What Love Has Lost Read online

  "I'm not!" I squeak. Yeah, Rhi has a knack for knowing when I'm fibbing. Quickly, I clasp my hands onto my mouth, praying that she hasn't noticed.

  "You're lying, Inn. I know you so well." She pauses and starts walking around me, acting like she's in those mystery movies. "Are you thinking about Nathan Hampton, again?"

  I stiffly shake my head. Honestly, lying is not my expertise.

  She cocks an eyebrow. "Inn, it's been four years! He dumped you."

  "Actually, we broke up with each other..." I say, hoarsely. Talking about Nathan is the hardest thing I can deal. He's my first love. I haven't been dating anyone after Nathan. I'm not so positive if I ever would. Everyone has been telling me that I should see other people; however, it's not easy for me.

  What if I end up hurt again, like what Nate did to me four years ago?

  What if someone shows up at my doorstep and says, "I don't want you, anymore"?

  Rhiannon and I sit down on those plushy, ugly looking chairs. "It's been four years, and you're still holding onto him? He probably is dating someone right now. Besides, you're nineteen and you need to go out and explore! Be that random, funny girl again!" Rhiannon cheers.

  A small smile slowly forms across my face. "You're right." I sigh as I get out of my seat. "Enough about me, let's go find you a perfect dress, so your groom will be stunned."

  Surprising to say, but Rhiannon and Grady are engaged. Yes, they are getting married to each other. It's funny that two of my best friends are getting married, and I'm the maid of honor. I feel like the third wheel, because they have their successful conclusions. I don't.

  I'm not positive if I will ever have my happy ending. I always contemplate about my future husband. Of course, four years ago, I wish for Nathan Hampton to be my husband. I see him as my husband. He loves kids. He loves animals. He even owns a dog, Goldie.

  I'm a total dog lover. I wish I can have a dog, but my parents are so strict of keeping animals in the house.

  My parents are dictators in the house. For example, whatever my mother says, my father follows. It's like my mother is Adolf Hitler and my father is Eva Braun.

  Ivy is highly allergic to pet fur. I guess that's another reason why we keep no pets in the house.

  I also love kids. I plan having two or three kids, tops. Nathan wants to have five or six of them. I guess he's very active of us having sex all the time, after marriage. It makes me giggle to think about sex. I sound so innocent, but I already lost my virginity to someone, four years ago.

  June 29, 2008

  "I don't want to go back home. I want to stay here, with you." I complain, leaning onto Nate's shoulder as he and I both are enjoying the miraculous view.

  Nathan presses his lips upon the top of my head. I pivot my head and look at Nate straight into his emerald eyes. They look brighter. "We don't have to rush, babe. We can stay here as long as you want."

  "My parents are probably expecting me. I forgot to bring my cell phone, in case of emergencies." I scoff, shaking my head. "I probably would end up dead when I get home."

  "Not when I'm around, I won't let anyone hurt you." Nathan whispered in my ear, as he kisses on my forehead.

  "Promise?" I ask, gazing into his gorgeous emerald eyes. "Will you promise to never hurt me?"

  Nathan stares at me for a while. He inhaled before answering. "I promise."

  A smile creeps upon my face, as my pupils light up. "Thank you."

  Nathan leans closer to me and gently places a kiss upon my lips. He keeps repeating those short kisses upon my lips, but he lets them linger, making me want more.

  "Do you remember about that question you asked me?" I slowly remind him.

  He seems complacent. "What question?"

  "You know, about us having sex?" He backs away and speculates me. I frown, wanting to know whatever is on his mind. He always asks me what's on my mind.

  "Do you really want to do this? We don't have to, because I don't want to force you..." I interrupt, placing cold hands onto his warm one.

  "No, I think we should!" I think I came onto him too strongly. "It's perfect. Everything is perfect: the scenery, the setting, the time. It's just me and you, spending our anniversary together." I slowly bite on my lower lip, wondering what's floating inside his head.

  Nathan quickens his breathing. "Are you sure?"

  I don't respond. Instead, I scoot closer to him, kissing him. Heat starts building in between us. I'm sure that I'm ready to share everything with him. He rapidly responds. His hands start exploring my petite figure. It's a good thing that I run every day.

  "Inn, we should take this inside." Nathan suggests. I nodded, vigorously. I keep kissing him as he slowly picks me up, bridal style. I gasp, as I let out a giggle and continue kissing him, loving him. As we went inside, he slowly places me onto the comfortable king-size bed and start proceeding to make love for the first time.

  ♠♣♥♦

  That's how I first lost my virginity. I don't want to go into further details because I know that everyone knows about the 'birds and the bees' talk. Anyways, I sometimes think if losing my virginity to Nathan is a mistake. In conclusion, he is my first love, so I don't really think it's a mistake. Maybe bad luck because my parents don't want any part of me being with him.

  I don't know. All I know is that he and I are not together, anymore.

  Back to reality, Rhiannon and I finish dress shopping and decide to eat at a fancy restaurant. Of course, I insist to pay for the both of us. Rhiannon comes from a rich family, and so do I. Rhiannon tells me that her parents are not so pleased to have Grady Christopher to be in the family, since he is poor.

  If Grady makes Rhiannon happy, then that's all that matters, right?

  Nathan made me happy, and then I don't deserve to be happy? My life must be very twisted!

  Rhiannon and I orders from the menu, as the waiter starts jotting them down onto a notepad. He smiles and takes the menus from our hands. Suddenly, Rhiannon bats her eyes, while she folds her hands horizontally, just below her chin.

  "So, that waiter was definitely starring at you!" Rhiannon squeals. My eyes widen.

  "Shush," I caution. "I don't want to flirt with the waiter, especially his working hours!"

  "C'mon, live a little, Inn! It's not like you had sex before, am I right?"

  Oh shit, I forgot to mention that to her.

  I sulk downwards in my seat. I wish this seat could just swallow me whole, so Rhi won't find out about the truth. Rhiannon's laughter slowly quits. Then, her face becomes more serious. I start feeling sheepish and embarrassed. I let out a nervous chuckle.

  "You didn't have sex, have you?" Rhiannon asks, curiously. What do I say next? Do I lie to her? Of course, I can't lie worth a flip!

  "Uh, about that..." I stutter, trying to create a diversion so Rhiannon can skip to another subject. "Oh, look at this! They have this new desert, where they come in mini shots. I think that is so adorable!" I hope she bought it.

  I smile, sheepishly. She gives me a serious look, as her eyes are giving me daggers. Ugh, why don't I just confess her the truth? I exhaled, giving her a sign that I surrender. "Fine, I lost my virginity, one summer."

  Her eyes widen. "No fucking way, with who?" she exclaims.

  "Um, you're going to hate me for this, but it was with Nate..."

  Rhiannon always loathes Nathan. I'm not certain, but she does!

  "Rhi, please don't be mad at me." I confess.

  "What the fuck were you thinking, Inna?" she practically increases her volume as she continues lecturing at me. I feel ashamed for having Rhiannon around in public. She knows how to embarrass people. "You don't know what Nathan has! He could've given you STDs or something! Besides, you met him over the summer as he stayed in this town for one month! You barely know the guy!"

  I want to shout at her, letting her know that she's wrong. However, I catch myself before going any further and completely embarrass ourselves in a fancy restaurant.

  "Weren't you awa
re of what Nathan could possibly have?" Rhiannon persists, trying to prove me guilty. Obviously, this pisses Rhi off, but I don't know what a good reason is for her to hate the boy, so much. "Did you even use protection?" Rhiannon continues.

  "Okay, Rhi, you're taking this way out of proportion!" I object, slamming my hands onto the wooden table. "It happened four years ago. It's already done. You don't have to go all Mother Teresa on me."

  Rhiannon presses the bridge of her nose, while closing her eyes. Sighing, she adds, "If I see that bastard, I'll cut him." She finishes.

  "Rhi, you're being irrational."

  "Oh, am I? Well, I will. Swear it on my grave, Inna." Rhiannon gives me a serious look. I don't bother to argue further with Rhiannon. Situations like these, well, Rhiannon hates losing to an arguement. Well, so do I, but I'm the type of person who doesn't want to cave into drama. Kayla has already made my high school life a living hell. I was always her shadow. Therefore, I stopped becoming her friend, because she just adores the attention and drama. She also loved making my life a living hell.

  ♠♣♥♦

  After we had our lunch, Rhiannon and I head back to the apartment.

  It's funny to say that Rhiannon, Grady, and I live in the same apartment. As we arrive at the apartment, Rhiannon will not stop talking about all the possible diseases that Nathan can carry. I roll my eyes on some suggestions that she came up. I want to wring her neck, so she can stop. Her opinions are very offensive towards him.

  Rhiannon unlocks the door, as we see Grady, talking to a stranger.

  I start to become curious about our strange visitor. "Oh, there they are!"

  Grady gets up out of his seat and so does the other boy. Suddenly, I see those familiar emerald eyes, but he's not wearing his dorky glasses anymore. Is he wearing contacts?

  "Rhiannon, this is Nathan Hampton; Inna's ex-boyfriend." Grady smiles, as he walks towards his fiancée and wraps an arm around her.

  Before going any further, Rhiannon never met Nathan in person. She only heard of him. After I told every little detail about Nate and I, she suddenly has a huge distaste towards him. She doesn't appreciate the break-up, either.

  Suddenly, Rhiannon does the unthinkable. She just extends her hand to shake his. Then, he walks towards me, making me feel so uncomfortable. How much of a percentage do ex-couples see each other? Slim to none, perhaps? I don't know, but this must be the worst day of my life.

  This is so awkward. "Hi,"

  "Hey," he greets, and then tilts his head downwards.

  "Um, what are you doing here?" I ask, breaking the awkward silence. I watch Nate open his mouth, until Grady interrupts him.

  "He's my best man for the wedding!" Grady exclaims. My eyes widen as I stand there in utter shock. "Surprise..." he trails, as everyone creates more awkwardness around the area.

  "Um, who's up for a movie? I hear that the fourth book of the Twilight Saga is already out." Rhiannon suggest. Somehow, Grady and I stare at Rhiannon, wondering if she's acting insane, or is being polite.

  Why do I want to watch a movie with my two best friends, who are getting married, and tag along my ex-boyfriend, who dumped me four years ago? They must be out of their fucking minds!

  "Uh," I stutter, ruffling the back of my head. "I don't know..."

  "Sounds great," Nathan agrees and smiles at me with those taunting eyes of his.

  June 14, 2008

  Nathan drives my car to take us to the movies. Of course, it's too cliché to have an event that occurs with movies in the movie theater.

  "What movie do you prefer?" Nathan asks me while he's holding my hand. I place my hand onto chin and contemplate. Nathan speculates me as he starts giggling. I cock an eyebrow.

  "What's so funny?" I ask, placing both hands onto my hips.

  He shakes his head. "You're funny, babe."

  I hum, "That's why you love me so much, darling!"

  He creates a small smirk across his face and starts attacking me with his hands. I start running away as I continue laughing because I don't like to be tickled. It's not fair that I am ticklish. I think that shows some weakness in myself. Knowing Nathan, it gives him pleasure to tease me.

  "Okay, I'll choose a movie, unless you stop tickling me!" I make a deal.

  "Hmm, truce." Nathan surrenders. I tell him that I want to watch a scary movie with him. It might make him think that I'll be cuddling into his arms, but I really am craving for a scary film.

  "Aw, do you really want this sexy body of mine?" Nathan jokes as he wiggles his bushy eyebrows.

  I roll my eyes, "You are such a dweeb!"

  "And a hot one at that, too!" He adds as we continue to enter inside the movie theater.

  ♠♣♥♦

  Remembering the memories that he and I shared, makes me wonder if I am ever going to love Nathan again. Sometimes, I wonder if he will ever love me in return. I shake my head and agree with them.

  "Yeah, a movie sounds good." I admit. Rhiannon and Grady look at me with huge smiles upon their faces. Nathan looks at me with sorrow or agony. I just hope this torture will end very soon.

  Chapter Three

  Dinner for Schmucks

  Maybe watching a movie is a mistake. I know it's already awkward to bring Nathan, but it's more awkward to see my two best friends, chewing their faces off. Seriously, they are literally chewing their faces off during the movie! What's the point of watching a decent movie, when all they are doing is making out?

  When Nathan and I were dating, we both agreed to disapprove on public display of affection.

  When the movie was over, Rhiannon drags me towards the women's restroom. For a woman, she sure knows how to manhandle somebody!

  Galloping into the restroom, Rhiannon takes out her makeup out of her purse and starts applying them onto her face as she ogles at her reflection. "So, what did you think about the movie?"

  Are you fucking serious, Rhi? "You and Grady were practically smashing each other faces onto each other! Why would you ask such a question?"

  Rhiannon huffs as she drops her lipstick into her purse and turns around, facing me, instead of the mirror. "At least, Grady and I have class; unlike you and Nathan, flinging your bodies into each other."

  My eye starts to twitch. "It was over the summer, and we were in a secluded area! Who's going to watch us - a bear?"

  I watch Rhiannon pursing her lips together. "Look, I'm sorry for judging you and Nathan's relationship. I haven't been a good friend to you, at all, today. If it makes you content, I will drop the complaints about Nathan and his secret diseases, and let you two figure things out."

  "Thank you, Rhi. That's all I ever wanted." I smile as I give Rhiannon a hug.

  As we let go, she inhales, "I knew that going to the movies might take your mind off of things; however, I'm not sure if I succeeded," she trails as she stares at the floor. Then, she shakes her head, while letting out a sigh and smiles. "Anyways, how's my makeup?"

  I giggle and roll my eyes. "It's perfect." I say, truthfully.

  ♠♣♥♦

  Rhiannon and I exit the restroom as we see two handsome looking men, standing before us.

  "Finally, it takes that long for girls to use the restroom?" Grady exaggerates. Rhiannon playfully punches Grady onto his upper arm before wrapping it around his.

  Nathan and I were behind the lovebirds, listening to them as they are acting as if they are a married couple. They aren't even married, yet! Unfortunately, it means that they belong together. I can feel a pang of jealousy, because I want what they have.

  "So, what do you guys want to do next? Do you want to eat at a local restaurant, or do you want to order take out? Oh, we could cook an amazing dinner for our guests! Ah, Grady, I've always wanted to prepare home-cooked meals! I've been watching the Food Network." Rhiannon giddies with excitement.

  All of us stare at her as if she has gone insane. To be correct, I have known Rhiannon almost all my life, because we've became friends since middle school. "Honey, you've never t
ouched a single pan or spatula in your entire life."

  "At least, I've touched a stove! And I was seven." She corrects, and we all start laughing.

  "Maybe we'll try cooking at home, but if Rhi burns our food, then I'm calling Chinese." I chime as Nathan and Grady agrees with me. See, Chinese food is everyone's favorite meal. I think it makes people satisfied because they have a variety of foods, or maybe it's because they have awesome rice and chow mien.

  As we arrive at the apartment, Rhiannon rushes into the building and starts grabbing everything out of the kitchen. She grabs a spatula, a chef hat, and an apron. She definitely looks the part. I can somewhat picture Rhiannon as a chef. However, does her culinary capability suffice?

  "Attention, lady and gentlemen; I will now grab this pot and pan out of the drawers and place them upon the stove." Rhiannon narrates, while speaking in a French accent. Nathan, Grady, and I pulled out chairs to sit and watch the show. It's a good thing that we have three high chairs because they are used for the countertop, which divides the kitchen and the dining room.

  "Next, I will get the cooking oil and pour it into the pot and pan as I turn on the stove." We watch her continue on her fine cooking skills. "All right, I think I poured too much cooking oil, but we're all so damn skinny; we might as well fatten ourselves a bit."

  We all laugh at her joke, and she continues to walk to the refrigerator. "I will take out the chicken, and cut it into small pieces!" Rhiannon raises the chicken up in the air, as it stays sealed. We all start laughing at her.

  Rhiannon tries her best to ignore us, so she continues lecturing. "I will now open this sealed compartment and release the dead beast!" Then, she adds dramatic effect. "Bum, bum, bum, bah, bam, bam..." she sings and slowly swings her arm, which is holding a kitchen knife, towards the chicken.

  "Oh, no, don't cut me!" she voices over the chicken. Our laughs turn into loud cackles.